As parents, we want to protect our children. We buy them car seats, follow them around when they’re learning to walk, cut their food into tiny pieces, and teach them safety rules. We do this because we love them, and we don’t want to see them get hurt.
But the truth is, we can’t protect our children from everything.
Even before they are grown and on their own, they will face a host of difficulties we can’t anticipate or prevent at school, on the playground, even at home.
What can loving parents do in the face of so many unavoidable problems?
We can teach our children resilience.
Resilience, according to the Oxford Languages Online Dictionary, is “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”
We can’t protect our children from difficulties. But we can prepare them to face hardships without breaking. And even come out stronger on the other side.
If we do this, we can rest assured knowing that our kids will be okay, even when we’re not there to protect them.
Below you’ll find four practical tips for raising resilient kids.
When our children were babies, we did everything for them. We fed them, changed them, dressed them, and rocked them to sleep.
As they grow older, we have to learn to step back and let them try things on their own.
This was a hard transition for me, initially. My two-year-old used to remind me by yelling, “mine own self!” whenever I tried to help her. But it’s gotten easier with time and practice.
Okay, to be honest, I still have to leave the room sometimes to stop myself from jumping in and doing things for them. But that’s okay. I’m learning!
Which brings me to step 2:
When kids try new age-appropriate tasks, they will inevitably fail.
That’s okay!
Did you know that learning is optimized when you’re failing 15 percent of the time?
If your kids are succeeding 100 percent of the time, they aren’t learning anything. And they have to learn to become confident, well-adjusted, resilient adults.
So take a step back and let them struggle. Tell them it’s okay to make mistakes.
It’s important for our children to know that mistakes are how we learn, and they are capable of succeeding, even when something is hard.
Don’t worry! You can allow your child to try, struggle, and fail without abandoning them. As they grow older, your role shifts from caretaker, to coach, to cheerleader.
Need specific examples?
Here are some ways you can help your children while still letting them try and fail:
Once your child succeeds, it’s time to celebrate!
But don’t just praise your child’s successes. Praise their efforts, too. When your child accomplishes something, focus on the process, rather than the result.
“I love how you kept trying until you came up with a creative solution!”
“I’m proud of you for not giving up, even though that was hard.”
“Way to persevere!”
This will help them learn to value hard work as much as they value accomplishments.
By implementing these four steps you will be well on your way to raising resilient children.
Just remember, parenting is a process, too. You may fail sometimes, and that’s okay! Don’t give up. Show yourself some self-compassion. (It’s hard to watch our kids struggle!) Take care of yourself. (Maybe have a nice bubble bath, ooh! With bubble tea!) And once you’re ready, try again.
You’ve got this, parents!